Thursday, May 16, 2013

One of the least of these...

Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me. Matt 15:40

The attitude I try to have in Haiti is letting go of any expectation, crossing over any limits I think I have and overcome any fears that come my way. (I failed at the fear part when we saw a tarantula this morning. Praise God for brave cooks who kill spiders). J

We started the day by going to Gertrude’s, an orphanage for children with special needs. Christine was a little toddler that walked towards me and didn’t let go of me for one second (pictures will come eventually; we’ve had some difficulties with our photos). She was so hungry for love and I gave her all the love I could for the time we were there. I could talk a lot about Gertrude’s but there’s a different story I want to focus on today.

In the afternoon we were supposed to go to the general hospital but often time plans change in Haiti. We instead went to the hospital for sick and dying babies. That was my breaking point last trip and wasn’t sure what to expect this time.

As I started walking through the cribs I was waiting for God’s tug on my heart for one specific baby. It’s always so hard to choose one to hold… I usually go to the quiet ones, knowing that those are the babies that are held the least. All the way in the back corner, there was this precious angel that was lying in her crib without moving. As I got closer I noticed lots of ants crawling all over her little face. She was trying to scratch her face but she didn’t have enough strength. I started cleaning the ants off her and as I was doing that, I noticed her genitals were covered in open wounds and tens of ants were crawling all over her. In panic mode I pointed to one of the nurses who didn’t look surprised at all. She came, turned the girl on her tummy, revealing even more open wounds and told me she is sick and I have to leave her alone. And that was it! That was all I could do.

I had to walk away from a helpless little angels, who must have been in pain and uncomfortable… A baby girl who probably hasn’t been held in a very long time. A baby girl starved for love and human touch. And all I could fell was pain. So much pain! I had to walk outside, I was losing it.  That place breaks me every time.

With each tear I’ve shed today God has, once again, confirmed that I am exactly where I need to be. This is what I was created for.

I am still processing this experience. I found a little boy I held for the rest of the time we were there. One who grabbed on to me with a lot of strength and was determined not to let go. I melt when faced with a child so desperate for love, attention and human touch. And I pray that as I hold them, kiss them and play with them I can give them a glimpse of Christ's love for them. 

It was hard to let go. It was heart breaking not being able to do more. But I know there's a reason why I was there today, seeing this little girl. And I will keep praying that God continues to open my eyes to everything He's got in store for me. I will continue to pray that I will be filled to the measure with the fullness of Christ, that I learn to listen to God's voice, leading me to do His will. And nothing more! 

Please pray as I am trying to make sense of everything...

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