Day 7: Purposeful

What a week.  I love the beauty of this place- in the people, the surroundings, the things God does in each of us as we come here.

Our day started earlier yesterday with breakfast and then we drove up to Titanyen for church at Grace Village.  My word of the day initially was going to be Free.  The kids were amazing.  Their hearts for God are so good and pure.  There is nothing that is self conscious or cares about what other people think.  I love the kids programming at my church because it has led both of my children to Christ and has continued to foster their faith in a way that fits them.  That said, these kids sat through a full church service for two hours, both in worship and in listening to FanFan preach.  He spoke on Mark 9:35:  Jesus sat down and called the twelve disciples tohim.  He said, "Whoever wants to be the most important must make others moreimportant than themselves.  They must serve everone else."  Almost all of the service was in Creole so I wasn't able to pull out what he said, but know he had the attention of all the children. I've said all week to the team off and on that things make my heart happy.  Seeing FanFan lead a service... my heart is so full.  God gives us each gifts-- and my goodness, has He done such a wonderful job with developing FanFan's.  I had a couple of babies fall asleep on my lap and another doing my hair from the seat behind me.  Why not, right?  After the service, we didn't spend a lot of time, but I was able to get a photo with my Ronaldo.  I just love him.  He is my boy at Grace Village.  So sweet. 
We then took a drive up the mountain.  I love this drive.  God's creativity did not miss Haiti.  The mountain is gorgeous.  We took in shopping on our way.  I have a hard time with bartering in some ways, but also really like it in others.  The creativity of these people is amazing. 
In all of our words of the day, I was thinking of words for my team as we finish out the week...

Jake- gentle giant.  He had a way with the kids.  The babies just clung to him.
Renae- Special.  What a heart this woman has for the kids as well.  She was so special.  Just a look or touch from her made the days of the babies. 
Diane- Transparent.  This woman is so wonderful.  She says what is on her heart and mind.  She is blunt, but not to a fault or that is hurtful in any way.  What I appreciate about Diane is she is an essential activator had heart.  She sees something that she doesn't like, and moves.  There are two kids and a woman in need of a matress. Not to worry. Diane is on it.  Beautiful heart.  I loved watching the progression in her through the week. 
Amy: Godsend.  Amy was a late addition to the team and she is amazing. What a heart. What a blessing.  A bosom friend.  Confidant.  Pure in heart.  Purposeful here in Haiti.  I love her. 
Bob- There isn't just one word for Bob.  So many have excuses for why they can't come, can't do something, just can't.  Bob is amazing.  He is wonderful for how he communicates without words sometimes, and makes our lives special by being in it.
Cindy- Blessed.  As a mom, it has been interesting to watch Cindy and Lauren together- a daughter leading the trip with a mother on it.  Who Lauren is shows part of who Cindy is as well- she has done such a great job with who Lauren is.  Blessed also to see Lauren in action, see what breaks her heart, see the things down here and allowing God to speak in and through her.  She is a dear soul that made the team special.
Jeni- Smile. This woman smiles with her whole heart and is just wonderful. Her heart is so good.  She has a tender heart and has a light inside her that refuses to go out.  The kids ministry at Eagle Brook gave the kids glow bracelets to remind them to be the light in a world of darkness and Amy has been that person on this trip. 
Laura- Soft/ Gentle.  The gentle heart and spirit of Laura is beautiful.  I am thrilled to know she is going into education.  I love it.  I think it's great.  Just what God made her to do. 
Carly- Joy.  She brought laughter and fun and heart into everything she did this week.  She is beautiful inside and out.  I loved how God brought her to the wound clinic and in the work with the elderly to affirm what she should be doing for her vocation.
Jerrilynn- Surrender/Courageous.  There are many things that could have kept Jerrilynn in Minnesota that were going to be challenges for the week- heat, driving, new places, new and different food... a host of things that could have prevented her from serving, but they didn't.  She loved on babies, helped with water trucks, worked through motion sickness, and immersed herself in shining a light to the people in Haiti. 
Lauren- Called.  It almost doesn't need explanation.  Lauren is doing exactly what she is meant to do and I loved watching how God uses people, but specifically her.  She is such a phenomenal person and I pray for direction for her to see exactly where God wants to use her. 
Jenn- There aren't words for who this special lady is to me.  Having experienced twice Haiti with Jenn, she just makes my heart happy.  After our first trip, she had said that she was coming back- she was going to lead and it moves me to tears how she has been obedient.  God is doing some really great things in and through her in her obedience.  I love it.  I love her. 
As for me, I can walk away from this week purposeful.  Last trip, I was not ready to go back home because it didn't feel as though we did enough-- I didn't fix it all-- I didn't make it all better and I had no idea how I could make it better or where to go from here.  This time, I have direction.  I am leaving with purpose and direction, knowing like I said yesterday, that it isn't permanent. I didn't even know if I would be back ever again a year and a half ago and this time- absolutely.  I promised Ronaldo I would be back for him. And Wilson, Nick, Brunet, Maxim, and for the babies of my heart down here- Daphne, Danah, and my self named Max in Cite Soleil.  I immediately thought of this one song... the title escapes me, but the chorus says-- "All I know is I'm not home yet... this is not where I belong." It really speaks to being in our temporary home of this Earth, but in many ways, this rings true for being here and being in Minnesota.  Minnesota is where my family and the rest of my life is but Haiti is where I find the purest form of a connection with God. 

All I know is I'm not home yet.... soon to be where the babies of my body are.  Dreaming dreams as I go home with a purpose.  Thank you to God does not seem quite adequate, but my heart is so full.  My soul is refreshed.  My spirit renewed. Glwa pou Bondye.  (Glory to God)

~Kristi

Day 6: Home

I've had the song "Dream a Little Dream of Me" stuck in my head off and on all day.  Goodness.  (see previous post for reference). 

I honestly woke up with the same migraine I had gone to bed with last night.  When/ if I get a headache I get a headache.  After writing a bit, resting and just taking things a little slowly to start the day, I went in my room and had a talk with God about how the day was going to go- with or without this going on.  I just wanted to know in case... turns out, it was to be without a headache for the day.  I can't tell you how thankful and happy it makes my heart to not have a migraine. 

Our day consisted of preparing and bringing the orphans of Grace Village to the beach.  Not a small task mind you as they out numbered us 44 to 11 team members-- I am thankful for Tory (?sp of her name- I just know she's fantastic), our three Haitian boys, Mickey, Jule, and FanFan for bringing up the number.  Once we got to Grace Village, there was the process of getting all the kids and people loaded onto the taptap and bus that had been hired to drive us.  Our first stop?  Completely full beach.  Not necessarily the safest environment for the kids with so many of them versus so few of us.  We just kept driving, stopping a few times, praying all the way, and then finding a private beach that would let us come in for what we inteded to pay.  My family used to road trip a lot, and it reminded me a little of our quest for a hotel on our Michigan trip, only add 40 more children, 20 degrees, very little breeze, and a Haitian landscape.  Also different?  Spontaneous worship of the 30 kids on the bus.  There aren't words sufficient to describe the faith and the moment of having kids break out in song singing literally Glory to God. 

Our beach time was mostly like any other- just with more kids to watch over.  It felt a bit like my summer camp days in many ways and I now understand the stress the adults had of making certain we all came out of the water.  The kids had a great time with the floaties and various water toys we had along with.  I mostly pretended to be a lifeguard of sorts- holding the line of how far out they could go and setting kids back on solid ground when they went out farther than they though for depth.  It was much more comfortable for me to supervise the play rather than engage in it, and wonderful knowing others were doing the same thing on the beach and a Bob, Tory, and I in the water.  We had lunches packed for the kids, and after eating and a little more play time, we made our way back to Grace Village. 

Haiti wouldn't be the same without a flat tire I am coming to realize.  The bus got a flat not quite half way back to Grace Village.  We pulled over to the side of the road without any water, food, or much of anything "to do" by American standards. What amazes me is the kids.  They listened and behaved and took care of each other so well.  There is very little fighting or even bickering between them and they were helping each other dress at the beach after swimming.  After about an hour and a half, we were once again on our way- having had the taptap come back for us.  I am still amazed and laugh a little at how many people the Haitians are used to having crammed into one of these things. We weren't even close to full with the kids by Haitian standards, but my goodness, by American standards?  Very crowded and not the smoothest of roads.  I felt like I was continually falling on Nick (which is probably better than the two boys sitting next to me as I stood).  I wish I could bring back the "go with the flow" of Haiti into my every day life.  Beach is too crowded? That's ok. We just keep driving.  Flat tire?  That's ok. We'll have a game of keep away.  Thirsty kids?  There's a roadside stop with water bags available to purchase.  Get somewhere late?  We're on Haiti time- when I get there I'll get there.  A small car could fit in some of the pot holes (using that loosely) here. 

Home:  I am feeling as if it's ok to leave here because I'll be back to my second home in Haiti again sooner rather than later again this time.  Home.  Haiti feels like a home here.  It's where God meets me, meets us, and does some really great things.  Home.  I am still choked up that Grace Village is home to the orphans.  They have one finally.  Home.  While I miss my Caribou, it will be a while before I am able to do some things again... and maybe that is what I give up.  The money I spend on coffee could be so much better utilized down here.  Conviction of stewardship is coming back strong this time.  Home.  I miss my kids.  I have seen Chase and Chloe in each of the kids here- each day has shown a child that reminded me of both of them and I want little else than to see them.... perfection of sorts would be to have them here with me, but not yet. 

Song of the day: Strong Enough by Matthew West

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us
Thank You Lord for making us strong.  Making us able to do work.  Providing enough for the day.  Stretching us to do what is uncomfortable here to bring You glory and fulfill what you have created us for.  My heart is so full of thanks, praise, and glory in what you have done in us, through us, and will continue to do as we return home.  May we each keep what you have shown our hearts and minds.  I pray each of us will be moved to action, myself in need of the most help, for what breaks your heart.  I love and praise you Lord. 

Amen and Amen. 

See you at home. 

~Kristi

Day 5: Dream

Many days, my blogs come through as a way to just communicate my heart and mind- a part of the process.  Today, my words come from a distict prayer for strength and courage to speak out loud (on paper) pieces that have been on my heart for a long time. 
Our day started in Cite Soleil.  We made two stops with the water truck.  The weather has been really warm down here.  While this doesn't bother me, it has been too warm for some on the team at times.  More importantly though, it is too warm for the Haitians.  Having every so often been in a period of need on an American level, I understand to some degree the panic that sets in when you have no idea when the next provision will come.  For them, it was water.  The first stop we made was more desperate than they had been on Tuesday for water.  I don't know why outside of the rain factor that would impact this for these people.  "Respekte liy lan"  (respect the line) was a common phrase we were saying today, and at times shouting a bit to be heard.  Liy Lan ended up being the shortened form of it.... but this is where I have a huge amount of grace and patience.  To not know or understand or have fear of not having enough is exceptionally difficult to wade through, especially with children. I have never been in want like they have, but I have feared how I was going to be able to take care of my children in these years of single motherhood.  I climbed onto the top of the water truck to gain additional photos of the landscape in some ways.  Our second stop was Cite 17.  This was my first stop here in Haiti in the field a year and a half ago. Cite 17 is really hard for everyone simply because you see homes built on trash.  There is a trash walk of sorts bringing you out to the coast line.  The poverty is overwhelming, but at the same time, you see and experience each child being so selfless.  They get so concerned about where we're stepping or if we get dirty that they try to clean us off.  I have noticed this now twice at this stop in particular.  It is amazing these children.  There is so much more that could be said, and perhaps should be said, but it is almost impossible to describe the people versus the surroundings adequately.

After the two water truck deliveries, we had time to go for a quick swim in the pool.  I was able to connect with Jenn for a bit today and in this connection, speak about what Haiti has meant and what I am leaving with my second time down here.  Jenn told me of this book she read- the Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkenson.  It is an essential parable of a man who has been given this dream and is told by many he cannot and should not persue this dream.  Instead, he does just that, overcoming obstacles and on his own.  (Ironically or not so much, I read the words to Oh The Places You'll Go this morning too.  For real.) I told her of some of my dreams and things I hope to bring to Haiti- making things to go in the TapTap to make it at least a little more comfortable, figuring out how to be specific in raising funds for the water truck, self-sufficiency at the guesthouse or at Grace Village or in the community of Titanyen.  Ideas.  I ws telling her of dreams that scare me for what they could mean back home.  Since high school, it has been on my heart to build an orphanage.  I don't know the need.  I don't know the legalities.  I know nothing outside of this burning to see to it that every child has a bed, a meal, clothes, and a chance for opportunity to change what may otherwise be a pre-destined outcome of living on the streets.  I have this gut feeling that while there are really great people that have done just this, that there are many more who are without these basic needs being met.  Seeing where the children live here, I can no longer sit back and be ok with children at home having nothing when we have so much and so many ways to fix that problem.  There is not a way for me to change the housing of the probably thousands of children in Cite Soleil.  I refuse to believe children in Minnesota have to live the same way. 

Our day finished out with a trip to the Home for Sick and Dying, dinner, a trip to market for a few, and word of the day.  I talked with a mother, through Wilson, at the Home for Sick and Dying and heard her story.  It is one that we would or could be quick to judge, but at the same time, I found myself telling her she was a good mother and clearly cared for her children to even be at the Home for Sick and Dying.  Little Daphne was so cute-- under weight and very small for being 18 months, but this momma made my heart happy to be doing something about it. 

I don't often share the words of other teammates, but have to share this great story.  One of the team woke up feeling really sick and essentially hurting.  She was looking to still go out- really feeling like she was supposed to- but praying for how she was going to be able to.  A group of us prayed over her- asking for God to remove where the devil may be getting in-- also for a host of angels to come down and protect and heal her- remove where she was unwell and during the prayer, her stomach no longer hurt.  She took medication with her for the rest of the day, and she was fine the rest of the day.  God can work miracles.  God can send His angels down.  God can do anything.  Anything.  Amazing what God will do.  I still recognize the answer sometimes is no, but I don't doubt the goodness of God to bring about the desires of His children if we ask and it is part of His good and perfect plan.  God is so good. 

The song yesterday was "Take my life and let it be... all for You and for Your glory.  Take my life and let it be Yours.  Glory to God.  Glory to God...." God, we give you glory and praise and honor for miracles worked, healing performed, broken hearts, teams that grow close, hugs and comfort as we walk through what you're trying to teach us here, and dreams that are given that you don't let die.  In all these things, let us constantly strive to do your will and have the courage to step out boldly knowing You qualify the called not call the qualified.  Your Word speaks to that over and over.  Please continue to move in and through us as we finish out our week here. 

Take my life and let it be all for You and Your glory. 
Amen and Amen. 

Day Four: Fulfilled

I feel like a broken record of sorts with my posts, but I love it here.  I know that sounds and seems foreign to many, but to that end.... I would say come.  See it once.  You may not love it- it may not be your passion or what God has called you for, but I haven't met someone that says a trip to Haiti was a waste.  Many say they can see why people that have gone before will speak of Haiti with love. 

My word for yesterday was Fulfilled.  Our day began like any other- I was back in the kitchen, which I think is what made the day "feel" right for me down here.  My previous trip, I spent much time in the kitchen helping with breakfast or dinner, so not doing that a lot this time was (my first word was tough) different.  We spent more time just preparing to be ready as Jenn met with others for possible connections for future teams in Haiti. 

We drove out to Titanyen yesterday.  The first leg of our journey brought us to the mass grave sites for those who died in the earthquake as well as from the cholera outbreak that followed.  It is said about 300,000 are buried there.  To be standing in the midst of a place of great loss and then look out to see nothing but beauty felt in some ways very contradictory and in others, just right that as part of a final resting place, they were given peace. 

Our next stop brought us to one of the schools Healing Haiti supports.  They were off from school when we got there- it is flag day today- but we were given a tour of the school and spoke with Jean Garrie (? Sp. I spelled it phonetically kind of).  I love the tenacity of the Haitians.  They will do everything possible to see to it their children have an education, including college, and then have an employment rate of about 10%.  They continue to press forward with dreams and goals, and how they hope it to be.  I wish we could all have and see the gift of pursuing something with your whole heart and being.  We too often, and myself the most guilty, expect for someone else to love and nourish and grow our dreams of what we would like to accomplish, forgetting that we have all we need in front of us to make this happen. We are not living in poverty.  We have grants and loans and an economy that will support a dream that has enough energy behind it.  Will that mean perfection and a smooth road?  No.  But my goodness.... we have a leg up simply by having the blessing of being American. 

Next (busy day!) we drove to the elderly Healing Haiti cares for.  The expected life expectancy down here is about 52 (which means I would be without my dad, two sets of grandparents, or have memories and know any of my great grandparents).  In having such a short life expectancy though, many of the elderly are in a place of almost being orphaned themselves- they have a medical condition or age that leave them in a position of great difficulty to care for themselves.  We brought food and water to five different people, and all of them beautiful.  I was in the tent for a couple, and rubbed lotion on the legs of a woman who has a couple of bumps that are causing her pain.  I dreamt of my doctor being down here last night to tell me what was wrong with her.  We prayed over each of them, thanking God for them, the light they bring, and joy in their hearts amidst dire circumstances. 

Our day ended with our trip to Grace Village.  This was Alyn Shannon's dream for her Haiti.  In my words, that there would be a place of beauty to care for the orphaned children and community of Titanyen.  They have a boys and girls house, a feeding center that will/is being used as a school, and are building a fish pond that will also water the greenhouse.  I have a heart for self-sufficiency as passed down from my parents, so having their own ecosystem to care for them makes my heart so full.  They also have a playground and an area to play soccer. It is my understanding they will also have a space for the elderly to be brought here that are in need of a higher level of care.  When I was here before, this was just concrete structures, no windows, doors, finishes, paint, or kids.  It is amazing to see the tangible structure of one woman's dream.  I had asked last time the question over and over what God was trying to teach me in all this because that was her question.  My heart is so full to see this built and "done".  A ministry is never really done expanding and building, but like I said, what they have is tangible evidence of one couple's heart and vision.  Alyn, your heart must be bursting to see what God has blessed your dream with. 

Fulfilled.  For many reasons.  My first is the fulfilled dream of Alyn Shannon.  How amazing.  How wonderful.  How perfect.  The tangible evidence that one person can make a difference on the world.  Grace Village is a real place.  Thank you dear Lord for your hand on this ministry to see their dreams come to life.  Beautiful.  Overwhelming.  And perfect.  Fulfilled.  We filled the needs for a day- even if it was just one day- for each of the elderly we visited.  It may just be for a day, a moment, but it is more than if we hadn't come at all.  Fulfilled.  My heart.  I have struggled since being here with not being able to fix it all.  To put America into how to make Haiti better in my eyes.  The thing is... Haiti has always been better.  They have struggles and misery, but then so do we back home.  They just don't have all the stuff to clutter seeing God for who He is.  To be able to wholeheartedly rely on Him for enough for the day.  To be ok with what God intended to be enough.  Fulfilled.  My purpose.  God has given me such peace in this trip- this journey.  To have a willing heart to know I can do something.  To have God show me so many things in how I can share this Haiti with the rest in my world and those I am to meet yet.  I don't know when. I don't know how.  I know very little outside that this is my haven where God meets me.  Or perhaps, when I meet God- completely unencumbered by the rest of what I have to do.  God just shows me where and what I am to be for the day.  My heart is so full.  I am anxious to go out again today knowing I will be back.  A peace that surpasses understanding is what I prayed for even in my blog three days ago.  Dear Lord- you are the provider of every good and perfect thing.  I love this. 

And last but not least- the song for the day-- Overcome.  It's a new one we are singing at church. 
______________________________________________________________
Savior, worthy of honor and glory, worthy of all our praise, You overcame
Jesus, awesome in power forever,awesome and great is Your name, You overcame

Power in hand speaking the Father's plan
You're sending us out, light in this broken land

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone overcome
______________________________________________________________

Dear Lord.  For all that we are.  For all that we have.  For all that you are.  For everything You are able to do and overcome in and through us to do Your work.  Thank you.  My heart will never be the same with a renewed purpose.  We can overcome these things that break your heart through what You can do alone.  I love and praise You. 

Final day in Haiti

This journey has finally come to an end and it saddens me. I never would of thought I would ever do something as amazing as this trip. I met a group of awesome ladies and you cant forget Bob!! Only staying for three whole days seems like I have been here for way longer and I wish I could stay and help more people and bring more smiles to the young little children that made this trip even 10 times better. I have always liked little kids but the way that they act and how happy they get to see you is a really good feeling. As we drove through the street they all would say "Hey you". Every single one and it felt like we were celebrities. I felt like we were in a different world everything was the complete opposite as home. I thought it was so weird that all the little kids would just rome the streets with no parents in sight but on the flipside all of them would always want to be around you and wanted you to hold them and love them. I never though I could have so much fun with them and I wasnt even able to speak to them which was the wierd part.

Day one was by far my favorite day from waking up in the morning and going right into the heart of the city. The first stop was the busiest one of the day and we stayed there for the longest. The thing I liked about every stop to that we did was there was about three of four kids that would cling onto you right when you got out of the van. Also no matter how little the kid was, if you needed to hold the hose or move the buckets out of the way they would try and help and i have never seen anything like it. They would follow;me around everywhere and I absolutly loved it. All of the kids on the first day were the ones who made the trip the best part of the whole thing and they will never leave my mind. Overall, seeing what I've seen will make me more forturnate for what we have to go back to and i will never have more fun with any other kids then the ones that I have had the pleasure of playing with and I am forever greatful for having that opportunity.

Jake  

Complete

Wow.  My word for the day is complete.  Leaving here in February I felt a bit incomplete.  The elderly broke my heart and I wished I could come back and put that heart back together.  That is what happened today. 

Visiting Edmund and being able to pray with him (well, kinda pray... lots of tears fell on the muddy floor), made my visit complete.  We brought the elderly food, water and prayers.  It is amazing to see how impacted they are by one small meal and some love.  We take food and housing for granted.  Thank you Lord for putting moments in my life like today to help me realize how blessed I am. 

Amy

Day Four: Emotions (Cindy)

How can I put into words the emotions I felt after visiting a mass grave site, going to visit and bring medicine, food, water and love to the poorest of the elderly in Haiti,  and then driving through the
streets of Haiti to visit orphaned children at the beautiful Grace Village? So much in one day - we were all pretty emotionally spent at the end of the day. To say I am making a "small" difference is the truth - it is very small-in a place that needs so much help.  But that's what God calls us to do- to just step out and try to make a difference - have faith in Him and He will provide the rest.  Before I left and at the start of the week, I questioned myself - Why am I doing this?  Today, my answers came.  To see the
beautiful brown eyes looking at you with hope and the love that pours from these people because you brought them water, food and a hug is amazing to say the least.  I never understood why people did this, or why they become so passionate about it - I get it now...